Archives - 2024
December 2024
By Joan Lacktis
With the return of the cooler weather, Lavender Friends have been getting outside again. We had a good group for a game of cornhole and this month we will be visiting the Thundering Herd mandarin ranch in Penryn.
We still have lots going on indoors, too. We had a large crowd for our Halloween trivia night at Kilaga Café and in November a group went to see “Wicked” at the Blue Oaks cinema. The highlight of December is always our holiday dinner dance at Turkey Creek. This dance features music with Sacramento DJ Jammin’ Jo and draws dancers from throughout the area. Everyone enjoys the opportunity to dress up and go to a dance where gay and lesbian couples are the norm.
It’s not all music and games, though. On Jan. 25, we will have our biannual business meeting where we will elect/reelect officers.
Fun at the Holiday Dance
November 2024
By Joan Lacktis
The decision to form our club wasn’t easy. Several in the informal group of LGBTQ residents, who had been meeting in each other’s homes, weren’t in favor of becoming official. They weren’t ready for others living here to know they were gay. Some were still working and feared losing their jobs.
But the other side maintained they had simply grown too large for house parties, and it was time they got to benefit from the clubhouses’ rooms for social gatherings and for conducting business. And, some said, maybe it’s time to stand up and be counted. In September 2009, the application was filed with the HOA. Some left the group. Those who stayed had begun a sixth-month process to becoming the Lavender Friends Club. The HOA’s board of directors gave their stamp of approval in March 2010.
Today’s members heard this and more about our history at our Founders Tribute Dinner, held September 28th at Kilaga Springs Lodge. Sixteen founders are still club members, and they were honored at this dinner with applause, awards of gratitude and much admiration from those of us who came after them. Fourteen were at the gathering; two are RVing across the country.
At one point during the evening, president Sandi Dolbee spoke of one of the missions the original members put into writing in the bylaws as they formed Lavender Friends: to create a legacy for future LGBTQ residents moving into Lincoln Hills. Sandi asked the men and women who were there to turn around and survey the nearly full room. “Mission accomplished,” she reported.
This wonderful evening will soon join the ranks of another one that’s coming up: the annual holiday dinner-dance at Turkey Creek next month. And guess what? It was a founder who originally set up that venue for us many years ago — and a trio of founders continue to organize it for us today. Just another example of legacy in action.
Trivia Night Recap
There was a large and enthusiastic crowd ready to show their stuff at Lavender Friends’ Halloween trivia night in the Kilaga Springs Cafe. Laura Niles was the trivia hostess with the mostest, and even provided Halloween candy for brain food. She created a set of 40 general trivia questions in four different categories and the participants gathered in teams of six to seven to see who could come up with the most correct answers. After the 40 questions were done the Halloweenies squeaked by, winning by a half a point. A spooktacular time was had by all.
October 2024
By Joan Lacktis
Next month we’ll recap out Founders Dinner, but this month we want to talk about our fun trip to Red Hawk Casino. We took advantage of a nifty program, in which the casino sends a free bus to take groups and bring them back after five hours there.
Nearly two dozen of us boarded the air-conditioned shuttle bus for an afternoon of bowling and pool playing in their Apex entertainment center and, of course, taking a turn at what seemed like an endless sea of slot machines in their gaming area. Many who went on the trip were surprised at how quickly the time went by and before they knew it, it was time to head to the Koto Buffet for dinner. That turned out to be a bargain, as well, Red Hawk was running a promotion in which the $30 buffet was half-price on Wednesdays.
Coming up soon is National Coming Out Day, celebrated on Oct. 11 every year. While the legal and cultural climate for LGBTQ people has improved since the first one in 1988, people still experience backlash and rejection when they make the decision to live openly. Let’s take a moment to appreciate living in this community where Lavender Friends are welcome and accepted.
September 2024
By Joan Lacktis
No more closets. In September 2009, a group of LGBTQ residents here took the courageous first steps and filed an application to become an officially recognized club here at Lincoln Hills.
They weren’t sure they would be welcomed or well-received by other residents and at first club leaders didn’t want to post their names publicly for fear of backlash. Well, they needn’t have worried. We have grown from that first small group to around 100 members who feel welcome everywhere.
We Hula dance, square dance and play pickleball. We preside over other clubs here and participate in the wider community through leadership in things like the Lincoln Hills Foundation and the Restoration Advisory Board for the cleanup of the former Titan 1-A missile facility.
We are planning to honor our roots with a hybrid potluck — the meat will be provided — and ice cream social on September 28 (our 16 remaining original members will be our guests). Club members, watch the Weekly to see how to RSVP and other details. You will not want to miss it.
August 2024
By Joan Lacktis
It sure is hot!! We kept our activity level up through July but this month we are ready to take a break and stay inside. That’s why we are heading to Red Hawk on Aug. 21 in an air-conditioned shuttle taking us to an air-conditioned destination that offers bowling, go-kart racing, virtual golf and other activities in one part of the building and a casino in another part. Not to mention a buffet, where we can eat dinner before boarding the air-conditioned shuttle home. Now that’s one way to beat the heat.
Last month was busy. We had our biannual steering committee and business meetings, birthday breakfast and tour of the telephone museum as opportunities to meet and mingle.
How else can members connect during these blistering days of summer?
Why not stay in the cool comfort of your living room and invite friends over for some LGBTQ streaming content? If you want something light, try the romcom “Fire Island” (2020) on Hulu, a gay reimagining of Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice.” Or watch the documentary “Disclosure” (2020) on Netflix, an award-winning look at how transgender people have been portrayed in Hollywood movies through the years.
And stay tuned for details about our Founders Dinner in September, where we will honor the 16 founders who are still active in the club.
Telephone Museum Recap
From party lines to mobile phones, touring the telephone museum reminded the 21 participants of a span of history that we actually lived. It was a walk down memory lane that carried over into into lunch at Olive Garden. When you see Connie Hoetger, ask him to tell you his telephone story. Here are some pictures:
July 2024
By Joan Lacktis
Picnics are more fun with belly dancers! Nearly 80 members ate, sipped, and mingled at our Pride-themed all-member mixer in June. As a special treat, one of our members invited a few friends from his belly-dancing class to entertain us. We all had a great time.
The month continued with a tour of historic downtown Lincoln followed by breakfast at the Waffle Shop. This month we are planning a tour of the Telephone Museum in Roseville. Our Activities Committee Extraordinaire really comes up with some interesting ideas for us!
We also will be attending to club business at our biannual meeting on July 20. Members, be sure to mark your calendars and plan to attend so you can be part of our decision-making process (look for details in your weekly email).
A New Chapter
Lavender Friends is losing two of our family. Nancy Calcese and Katie are moving this month to Santa Rosa to live at Fountaingrove Lodge, a retirement community that made national headlines as the first of its kind to specifically accommodate LGBTQ older adults and their allies with a range of continuum of care.
Katie has been a dynamic fundraiser for the Placer Breast Cancer Foundation, including the annual golf tournament put on by the Lincoln Hills women’s golf groups to raise money for the foundation (the 2024 tournament is set for Oct. 9).
Her reasons are personal. “Mom passed away from breast cancer the age of 55,” explains Katie. “I think of her and miss her so often. My middle sister passed away at 75. I know many more who had breast cancer and who have passed.”
Since 2020, Nancy has served as the club’s “Sunshine” worker, using her pen to sent out more than 50 cards of encouragement, sympathy and get-well wishes to members when they need one. Marie Salers is stepping into this position.
Nancy, who also volunteered weekly at the Lincoln Library, was looking for ways to help the club when she heard about the cards outreach. “I was raised writing thank you notes and this seemed like something I could do,” says Nancy, whose messages are thoughtfully worded to fit the individual situation.
Currently, 60 percent of Fountaingrove Lodge residents are gay. Nancy says they didn’t pick it just because of the gay population. Nancy said on their visits they found the residents open, honest, and accepting besides sharing the same values as she and Katie. And the move comes with one other perk: “No more cooking!”
June 2024
By Joan Lacktis
We have been axe-throwing and paint ‘n sipping our way through spring. Our visit to Get Axed in Roseville was followed by a special Paint ‘n Sip class arranged by one of our members. We all put our own creative touches on the picture we painted together. Last month, our birthday breakfast at Meridian’s honored April and May birthday kids with a free coffee.
This month brings our members-only mixer at the Sports Pavilion. We will have rainbow-themed decorations in recognition of Gay Pride month. Gay Pride celebrations are held in remembrance of the Stonewall Uprising, on June 28, 1969, when New York City police raided the Stonewall Inn, a gay club located in Greenwich Village. The Stonewall Uprising served as a catalyst for the gay rights movement in the United States and around the world and LGBTQ people hold parades and festivals throughout the month of June. San Francisco’s first parade in 1970 consisted of about thirty people but has grown to include hundreds of groups.
June PRIDE Compass Ad
For three consecutive years, longtime member Paula Kregel has created a half-page ad in the Compass about our club (it’s a perk that clubs may have a free half page ad once a year).
Fittingly, our ad runs in June. So turn your June Compasses to page 34 and there it is, a delightfully colorful tribute to us. Each year, Paula finds a new way of using words and images to depict us, with just the right blend of thoughtfulness and whimsy. Paula also happens to be our Communications Committee co-chair and webmaster of lavenderfriends.com.
Give her a high-five the next time you see her. Can’t remember what she looks like? Paula’s in the ad, nestled among that colorful cluster of some of our other members. There she is, third row from the bottom, all decked out in green.
May 2024
By Joan Lacktis
March and April were busy months for Lavender Friends. In March, our first no-host birthday breakfast at the Sports Bar had an overflow crowd to sing ”Happy Birthday“ to our February and March birthday kids, accompanied by a ukulele. We will celebrate April and May birthdays later this month. Also in March, we had a table at the annual ”It’s the Lifestyle“ club expo at Orchard Creek, where we unfurled our new banner. Several folks stopped by to share their stories of LGBTQ friends and relatives and we signed up two new members.
In April, we made a return visit to Get Axed at its new Roseville location. Participants played various ax-flinging games while socializing and enjoying drinks and snacks.
June will bring our annual members-only mixer at the Sports Pavilion. We will have rainbow-themed decorations in recognition of Gay Pride month.
April 2024
By Joan Lacktis
Spring is seeing some changes to Lavender Friends.
First, we have three new people stepping into leadership positions. Chris Guyon is the new chair of our Activities Committee Extraordinaire (ACE), which coordinates our activities and events for the coming year. Chris has only been a member for a short while, so it’s great to see a newer person getting involved in club leadership. Joan Lacktis and Paula Kregel have taken over as Communications Committee co-chairs. This committee is responsible for our website, Compass and Senior News articles, and our weekly announcements email.
Another change is the club’s monthly birthday celebrations. We have changed from meeting monthly at Kilaga Café for donuts and coffee to meeting every other month at Meridian’s for breakfast. Birthday kids still get a free coffee on us. Our first breakfast celebration was in March and the next one will be in May. Hope to see all the April and May birthday honorees at next month’s outing.
March 2024
By Joan Lacktis
What a fun and adventurous year we have ahead of us. Our first-ever Idea Fest, which followed our general business meeting, generated a bonanza of suggestions. The ideas were coming so fast and furiously, members had to be limited to two ideas each.
Our Activities Committee Extraordinaire (ACE) will review the list and start making plans. We will be busy!
Some of the ideas were simpler local activities, like game nights, a book club or dining in local restaurants. There were suggestions that we spend some time doing community service. Then there were some more far-flung adventures proposed — a tour of the Marine Mammal Center in Sausalito, a trip to San Francisco on the ferry, a visit to a goat farm and soap-making.
There certainly will be something for each of our members to enjoy. Watch for details in our weekly e-news as we turn these ideas into reality.
February 2024
By Joan Lacktis
We are gearing up for this year’s club activities and will be writing more about them in the coming months. At our January general membership meeting, we had an Idea Fest to gather suggestions for activities from members and to start the planning process. We are looking forward to another year of fun activities together.
Sometimes people wonder why lesbians and gays feel the need to socialize in their own clubs and groups. This goes back to our experiences when we were younger, before there was as much acceptance as there is today. Same-gender couples, especially, might get the side-eye or hear slurs when we were out and about. This wasn’t a problem when we were with others within our LGBTQ community, so we formed clubs like Lavender Friends to support each other and provide safe and fun social outings.
If you are missing your Lavender Friends during this time when we are in the planning stage for the rest of the year, remember you can come to our monthly birthday celebrations. Or call someone up for a movie or walk on our beautiful trails. And don’t forget to put our all-member mixer on your calendar for June 1. We always say there’s no friend like a Lavender Friend.
January 2024
By Joan Lacktis
Lavender Friends member Kathy Snelson recently let us know about a wonderful collection of LGBTQ-related materials available at the Lincoln Public Library. She donated the collection in honor of her mother who passed away last May.
Kathy started the fund with $2,000 and collected an additional $2,550 from other donors. She worked closely with Director of Library Services, Kathryn Hunt, who was very enthusiastic about the Memorial Collection. You can find the books by going to the library website and searching the catalog for “Carol J. Kious memorial collection.” The collection includes works of fiction and non-fiction and books for children as well as adults. Each book has a label that says, “Donated in Memory of Carol J. Kious” and “Be inspired by works that acknowledge everyone.”
Club members will get a chance to see the collection up close at a special tour this month. Check your weekly emails for details and how to sign up.
Note to members: don’t forget our biannual business meeting — and first-ever Idea Fest for 2024 activities — on Jan. 27.
